In "Hemlock," we are immediately presented with a bored Sherlock. He's so bored, in fact, that he begins discussing old unsolved mysteries with not one, but two, women in bed. The podcast (which I co-host) for this episode is below. You can also subscribe to it on iTunes.
Of course Sherlock knows who Jack the Ripper is. He got bored last Tuesday night. #Elementary
— hoosier jedi (hoosierjedi) February 6, 2015
Ladies, would it not freak you out to have a guy nudge you so he could talk about dead women? #Elementary
— Amber B. (Misplaced_IN) February 6, 2015
He finally finds something to do when a woman comes to him asking for his "P.I." services to find out whether Steven, her husband, is cheating. Lucky for Sherlock, Steven has also been missing for two days. Finally, a break from the boredom of the void from missing Kitty.
I cant decide whether I like needy!Sherlock or petulant!Sherlock more #Elementary
— Christine Min (SMPLEoIdu) February 6, 2015
In searching for Steven, Sherlock and Joan find that he lost his job months ago, but has a secretary answering his phone at his old job. The secretary is one of my favorite characters of the episode because of her hilarious facial expressions. For example, in the following scene she gets puke-faced over being caught:And in this scene, she becomes truly disgusted when Sherlock gives back a letter stained with Salvadoran Horchata (actually, Joan's narrow-eyed stare is pretty funny as well):
and Sherlock Holmes turns into The Doctor #LickItToSolveIt #Elementary
— Bekah (daxafina) February 6, 2015
#Elementary a good thing that stain wasn't old doody
— Carey Johnson (CareyJohnson919) February 6, 2015
well I'm glad that wasn't pigeon sh*t or something. #ElemeNtarY
— Elementary Fans (HolmesWatson221) February 6, 2015
Here is an envelope I licked....#Elementary
— Nadine Z (NadineZed) February 6, 2015
What? You look like you've never seen a man lick random stains before. #forscience #Elementary http://t.co/eVC6H2yod3
— Elementary on tvtag (tvtagElementary) February 6, 2015
@Elementary_CBS @ELEMENTARYStaff #Elementary black mold? texas tea? LOL
— mammaf (smileyface717) February 6, 2015
The Horchata leads them to Steven's new place of business: a debt collection service. That means he harassed people into paying their debts for a living. They also find evidence that he has been murdered, which means any of the thousands of people he harassed could be a murderer.
I was going to say 'how the hell can someone owe that much money' but then I remembered I'm a university grad...#Elementary
— Nadine Z (NadineZed) February 6, 2015
Ohhh, there's no amount of profit that's worth that. None. There's a special place in hell for debt collectors. #Elementary
— Heso (GusBricker) February 6, 2015
It turns out that he had decided to change his ways and forgive the debt, but was murdered before he could do so. This means that one of his employees at his new business was more likely to have killed him in order to make bank on the huge pile of debt they could collect.Meanwhile, Andrew wants Joan to meet his papa, and she is not looking forward to it. Sherlock believes that Joan is making a mistake by staying in a traditional relationship, knowing she's much too quirky for that. Andrew's dad is very kind, but Joan comes off as nervous. After Joan finishes her lunch with Andrew and his dad, she decides that Sherlock is deserving of a good punch in retaliation for being so darned right all the time.
Joan talks fast when she's nervous this is so cute omg. #elementary
— Emma (electriclilacs) February 6, 2015
"I hate it when you're right" - If Sherlock had a nickel... #Elementary
— Amber B. (Misplaced_IN) February 6, 2015
"Oh I just came here to punch you." I. Am. Cackling. I love this show. #Elementary also were can I buy that coat?? @ELEMENTARYStaff
— Mary (maryWIMsical) February 6, 2015
Tonight's ep is so chock-full of Sherlock and Joan goodies it's like the writers are trying to apologize for taking away Kitty. #elementary
— Emma (electriclilacs) February 6, 2015
Then she wonders why in the hell Sherlock is forcing poor Clyde to paint. Turns out, Clyde enjoys art, and his paintings could probably fetch millions.
Clyde life is definitely weirder than yours. #Elementary http://t.co/GiuJ2C46Ab
— Elementary on tvtag (tvtagElementary) February 6, 2015
an original #clyde would be worth auctioning off for Charity. #TurtleArt #Elementary
— Travis Johnson (tj45acp) February 6, 2015
@Elementary_CBS This much is clear: I need a pet like Clyde to help me with my art projects 🐢🎨 #Elementary
— vixstergrrrl (vixstergrrrl) February 6, 2015
Poor Clyde! First electrocution and now he's Jackson pollock! Hilarious @Elementary_CBS #Elementary #turtleART
— Suzanne Kopulos (SLKStyle) February 6, 2015
So when is Clyde to have his first gallery showing? @ELEMENTARYStaff #Elementary
— Mel (Melapaloosa) February 6, 2015
@ELEMENTARYStaff @Elementary_CBS Oh my gosh, Clyde is painting. An artistic turtle. Who thought of that brush holder?😂😂😂👏 #Elementary
— Gig Schaeffer (gig_schaeffer) February 6, 2015
Where might I purchase an original by Clyde? #Elementary
— A.G. Freebersyser (AnnaGraceNC) February 6, 2015
Alarm Clock Clyde, Ambulance Clyde, Paperweight Clyde, and now Abstract Artist Clyde. #elementary
— Shelly T. (mizshellytee) February 6, 2015
Omg Clyde is painting, cuteness meter overload #Elementary
— mysha nefarious (mnefariousl) February 6, 2015
Hello @ClydetheTurtle ... Nice to see you expressing yourself so artistically :) #Elementary @ELEMENTARYStaff @Elementary_CBS
— Lindy Ebbs (lindy21inky) February 6, 2015
Sherlock is going to need an awfully large fridge to hang @ClydetheTurtle's painting up. Hes a proud poppa. #ElemeNtarY
— Elementary Fans (HolmesWatson221) February 6, 2015
The employees have alibis, but there's another clue: Steven had initially focused on Owen, a debtor that lived farther away and owed less money than some of the others. One company had bought all the land within a five mile radius of Owen's home, and pushed for him to sell so they could develop the area. That company was represented by the company where Steven used to work.It turns out that Coleman Brown, Steven's best buddy at his old company, could make a ton of cash if Owen sold his home, so he was the one who pushed Steven to buy the debt and go after Owen. When Steven decided to forgive the debt instead, they fought, and Coleman ended up killing him.
Sherlock likes to bring down smug ppl. #Elementary
— ☆Leslie Ann☆ (Ga_Leslie) February 6, 2015
At the very end, we see that Joan is getting coffee with Andrew so she can break up with him. He accidentally takes a sip of her drink right before Joan does the deed and breaks it off... and then he begins choking to death from poison.
@ELEMENTARYStaff @ElementaryPod It is the it's not you but me speech! #Elementary
— Jan Frank (GraceIsKey) February 6, 2015
Skim milk latte for john hahahahahahahahahhaahahahhahahaahhaahhaahhahahahahahah #Elementary
— sammie bogolin (samsamx24) February 6, 2015
what the eff?? #Elementary
— Ash (starkassembled) February 6, 2015
Well that's ONE way to get out of a relationship. What the hell ??? #Elementary
— Amy Petitt (AmyPetitt1) February 6, 2015
Um. That ending O.O This is why I love this show so much. Such a wonderful weird emotional whiplash in each episode. #Elementary
— Holly Taylor (Notorious_HAT) February 6, 2015
GASP!!!! AKJSHFSKJDGHSDFGD THAT PROMO!!! OH MY GOD #Elementary
— Everything in time (revengepsycho) February 6, 2015
Well, that was a killer breakup. #Elementary
— #CainLives (StephyNicole09) February 6, 2015
Dayum Joan that was a well frigid sacking of a bloke. @ELEMENTARYStaff @Elementary_CBS #Elementary
— Tilda Donner (dysfashional) February 6, 2015
@Elementary_CBS @ELEMENTARYStaff @ElementaryPod @Elementary_Post DANG IT GUYS!! FFFFFRRRRREEEAAAKKKKIIIINNNNGGG CLIFF HANGERS!! #Elementary
— James TPMK (pingu112) February 6, 2015
Yeah, it's never good when they die when you break up with them. #Elementary
— Heso (GusBricker) February 6, 2015
When Lattes attack on the #ElemeNtarY network.
— Elementary Fans (HolmesWatson221) February 6, 2015
Skim milk has the same effect on me. #Elementary
— Jim Freeman (jimfreeman1960) February 6, 2015
Well Joan definitively has the worst break up story #Elementary
— The One & Only (Zezlemet) February 6, 2015
*blink* OK... that was not what I expected. #Elementary
— Michael Griffin (literateartist) February 6, 2015
Man, you people hate happy or even normal endings, don't you? @Elementary_CBS #Elementary
— Jackie Buckman (msjackiemarie) February 6, 2015
Now I feel bad for laughing 👀 #Elementary
— sammie bogolin (samsamx24) February 6, 2015
In "The Female of the Species," we can see that Andrew has died by the far-off look on Joan's face. The case has already been solved, and the culprit has been identified. It's the oh-so-bitch-faced Elana March, who is delighted that she ordered the murder of Joan's boyfriend just after she had broken up with him. It would be so nice if the evil Elana could spontaneously combust at that moment, but no luck: she's already in prison, so she gets to continue tormenting and attempting to kill Joan. The podcast for this episode is included below:
Elana is the creepiest mofo! #Elementary
— Kristy (lokistiel) February 13, 2015
That nasty botox bitch - she needs to get dead #Elementary
— Cindy Oertel (cdoertel) February 13, 2015
While Joan mopes, Sherlock enlists Bell to help with a new case concerning two pregnant zebras stolen from a zoo. They find that a purple truck was stolen and used to steal the zebras, and Sherlock somehow deduces that the truck contained a GPS collar that they track to a dump site which contains a receipt that then leads them to a horse veterinarian.
The way Sherlock says zebras is making me giggle. #Elementary
— Dahne (dahne1) February 13, 2015
zɛbrə #Elementary
— Priya (priya_ana) February 13, 2015
They finally find the zebras there, as well as the body of David Chang, a veterinarian who was forced to help the thief deliver the foals. Sherlock then finds a new clue leading to a feed store.
WHY WOULD YOU STEAL THE ZEHBRA BABIES? AND WHY IS THERE A DEAD GUY??#Elementary
— Hannah Mc. (hannahcracker) February 13, 2015
Yeah, I wouldn't want to examine Zebra droppings either. 😱 #Elementary
— Loralie323 (Loralie323) February 13, 2015
Meanwhile, Sherlock has been helping Joan mope by bringing her all of her meals. When Andrew's dad basically tells her that he doesn't hold her responsible... but holds her responsible for his son's death, she feels even more terrible. She gets some of her mojo back, however, when she pulls a reverse rude awakening. When Sherlock falls asleep at Joan's, Joan has the great pleasure of waking Sherlock.
oh no @LucyLiu is breaking my heart in the scene with Andrew's dad. #Elementary #alltheawards
— lena b. (potenspuella) February 13, 2015
AAHHHHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! BEST SCENE EVER!!!! Watson waking u Sherlock in a very Sherlockian fashion. Joan=Winning! #elemeNtarY
— Elementary Fans (HolmesWatson221) February 13, 2015
U know you're a good detective when u can find an animal thats been extinct fr centuries #Quagga #Elementary @ELEMENTARYStaff #Sherlock
— Roxanne (rox005) February 13, 2015
@LucyLiu @Elementary_CBS @ELEMENTARYStaff Wait, that quagga was animatronic? Holy frick it looked very real. #Elementary
— SirHellsing420 (SirHellsing420) February 13, 2015
This is a photo of the last-ever Quagga, taken in 1883. #Elementary http://t.co/rvnvJig3Gw
— Elementary Writers (ELEMENTARYStaff) February 13, 2015
Next week, Sherlock will find a real Dodo Bird. #Elementary
— Michael Griffin (literateartist) February 13, 2015
ITS SO CUTE. Sherlock should take it home and let it be friends with Clyde and the bees #Elementary
— Kerry (TweetingKerry) February 13, 2015
My bet was cause they were to adorable to exist #Elementary
— The One & Only (Zezlemet) February 13, 2015
The quagga: not to be confused with the quokka http://t.co/UvSleMgWkJ #elementary
— gehenna (naufraga) February 13, 2015
She also helps the case along a bit when she hears one tiny clue: someone at the feed store said the thief had mentioned that he had been in a hailstorm. Joan knows of a place that matches that description, and Sherlock and Bell find one of the foals there. The catch is that the foal is of an extinct quagga rather than a zebra. The great care required in raising an extinct animal into existence means that the thief and murderer has to be an employee at the zoo.Sherlock tricks the murderer into making himself known by focusing on someone who is definitely not the murderer, then watching to see who seems to have a great burden lifted. Unfortunately, the murderer escapes from his apartment while the cops are staking out the place. Sherlock kills two birds with one stone by doing his daily lunges/weird ballet, while at the same time demonstrating to Bell that there are creaks in the floorboards. The bad guy escaped through a hidden tunnel!
If he's in that tunnel just leave him to the Ninja Turtles, Sherlock. #Elementary
— hoosier jedi (hoosierjedi) February 13, 2015
Well now you know he a super villain:Kidnapping baby animals and escaping through secret tunnels #Elementary
— The One & Only (Zezlemet) February 13, 2015
Wow, I hope my next apartment sits on top of a series of secret liquor tunnels. [goes to craigslist] #elementary
— gehenna (naufraga) February 13, 2015
Since we didn't have a rude awakening in the last episode, they double up on them in this episode. Sherlock wakes Bell with a bell.
For some reason, it's taken me three-and-a-half seasons to realize I have a massive crush on Marcus Bell. #Elementary
— Liz Dircks (ginger_lizard) February 13, 2015
The rude awakening of Marcus Bell is for an invitation to breakfast and a movie. The movie is a comedy about the arrest of the douchebag who stole the zebras and killed the veterinarian. Sherlock tricked the dumb criminal by pretending to be a buyer for the second foal, then set up a sting operation, all while Marcus was sleeping.
They're casually having breakfast and watching a murderer get arrested lol. #Elementary
— Lazy Spice (aprilinoctober) February 13, 2015
Sherlock & Bell 💜 @ELEMENTARYStaff #Elementary
— Evelyn Lee (evelynlns) February 13, 2015
They're having breakfast together. *ugly cry face* #Elementary
— Lazy Spice (aprilinoctober) February 13, 2015
Stuff going down over Lockbell breakfast. #elementary
— Shelly T. (mizshellytee) February 13, 2015
At the end, Joan receives a letter detailing that Elana March had gotten in the way of her fun. The distinctive voice of Moriarty reads the letter, and we soon see that Elana has been properly offed in her cell. Good riddance! And hellllo Ms Creepy Moriarty. Oh, and now Joan wants to move back into the Brownstone.
RIP ME RIP ME RIP ME RIP ME RIP ME #Elementary
— Vivien (amyxsantiago) February 13, 2015
Joaniarty!!! #Elementary
— Tröll Tröller (dvaleris) February 13, 2015
Well, sh!t Moriarty. Uh, thanks? #Elementary
— Erika W (ErikaNg714) February 13, 2015
Ooooo! Nobody messes with Moriarty's toys! Bye-Bye Elena! #Elementary
— Bekah (daxafina) February 13, 2015
MORIARTY OH MY GOD GOOD CHRIST SOMEONE HOLD ME #Elementary
— Emma (electriclilacs) February 13, 2015
"MY DEAREST WATSON." MORIARTY. OMFG. OMFG MY SHOWWWWWWWW #Elementary
— girls and girls (calynelizabeth) February 13, 2015
JOAN WANTS TO MOVE BACK INTO THE BROWNSTONE Y'ALL *HOLLERS* #Elementary
— Lazy Spice (aprilinoctober) February 13, 2015