Monday, February 17, 2014

'Elementary' GifTweetCap: An Abundance of Asshattery

All of the following gifs are available on this Tumblr post. "Corpse de Ballet" is a somewhat gruesome "Elementary" episode, but that is not such a big surprise for this show. What was a very nice surprise was the fact that we got to delve a little deeper into Watson's (Lucy Liu) past. The episode is also filled with asshats, to an almost amusing degree.

The episode begins with a coitus sign on Sherlock's (Jonny Lee Miller) door. Watson offers Sherlock's latest conquest some coffee before she takes off. Sherlock then claims that sleeping with women from all walks of life -- such as the pastor who just left -- is a form of research.
Later, we see a few snooty ballerinas dancing around, until they hear a loud noise. Nell, one of their fellow dancers, has been cut in half!
The perp took the security footage of the crime, and there is very little blood. Her throat was slit first, with a box-cutter. Ballerinas use the box-cutters on their shoes, and the one used to kill Nell belonged to Iris (Aleksa Palladino), the bitchiest ballerina in the troupe.
Sherlock is quite smitten with Iris, despite her diva behavior -- Watson goes so far as to call him a ballerina fanboy. Gregson (Aidan Quinn) and Bell (Jon Michael Hill) don't care what Sherlock thinks of Iris, however. When she steps out of line with them, and even threatens them, they arrest her.
Her lawyer gets her out on bail quickly, and her first stop is... Sherlock's place!
Sherlock explains that he slept with Iris in order to learn about her arm, and whether she was capable of committing the crime. He believes she is not, because of an injury to her arm.
Sherlock and Watson learn that paparazzo Jake Picardo (Bill Sage) was stalking Iris until she broke his camera. Nolan (Scott Cohen), Iris' lawyer, accused him of using drugs, and he lost his job. He then decides it's a great idea to prove that he's great at basically stalking women by secretly recording Watson. Watson seriously considers violence.
Later, with his lawyer present, the pervy paparazzo hands them proof that he was much too busy being a perv to have committed the murder. He was actually installing hidden cameras at Nell's apartment so he could catch Nell and Iris in bed together.
It turns out that Nell and Iris were having an affair, but Iris only did it to manipulate Nell into giving her the lead role. When Nell realized that fact, she broke it off. The only problem was that Iris had actually fallen for her fellow ballerina, so she left her a voicemail telling her how unhappy she was about the split.
The voicemail is leaked to the media, and Sherlock looks into the ambient sound on the recording, which leads back to Nolan. He has a unique door opener, which reveals that he had secretly recorded the voicemail from his office.
Nell had retained Nolan as her own lawyer, and he quickly learned that Nell and Iris had been together. In his disturbingly sick mind, he realized that he could create a media sensation by setting Iris up for Nell's murder. A warrant turns up the stolen surveillance video, which shows a masked man of the same height and build as Nolan. He had saved it in order to get Iris off the hook after serving as her lawyer on the case through a long celebrity trial.
The subplot involves Morris (Curtis L. McClarin), a homeless guy who is off his meds. He seems to think that his homeless buddy "Frebo" (as in, Zeke Frebo) has been kidnapped, but the meanie cops won't listen. They just think he's nuts, but Watson sympathizes.
We then learn that Watson is invested in helping the homeless because her birth father is homeless. She began volunteering so she could see him, but he refused to get help or take medication. She hasn't seen him for about two years.
Watson visits Frebo's sister (Jennifer Laura Thompson), who seems very distressed about her missing brother. But when Watson visits with Morris after he has taken his medication and is now lucid, he says that Frebo was forced into a van. Worse yet, a photo he has of Frebo with his family reveals that the woman Watson met with is not Frebo's sister.
Watson returns to the "sister's" home, this time with cops in tow. Frebo's fake sister and her husband (Dan Cooney) seem very upset that they have to stop stealing veteran's benefits... and set the homeless veterans free from their dungeon... and go to prison. Such is life when you decide to be a horrible, sick, disgusting excuse for a human being.
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Friday, February 14, 2014

'Person of Interest' GifTweetCap: Shaw's New Gal-Pal

Most of these gifs are available on this Tumblr post. "Provenance" is one of the sillier Person of Interest episodes, but hey, sometimes fans need a break from heart-pounding, non-stop suspense and huge revelations. This is one of those "break" episodes, but still enjoyable.

Now that Reese (Jim Caviezel) is back home, things are somewhat back to normal, which means the gang has a new number to contend with. That new number is an event planner, which means that Reese and Finch (Michael Emerson) will be attending an event together. The only problem is that Reese wants to look spiffy for his "boyfriend," but his tie seems to have other ideas.
During the event, a thief makes off with some goods, but Shaw (Sarah Shahi) puts up a human roadblock in the form of a bright white, sexy push-up dress. The thief is their event-planner-number, and also a former gymnast!
The "NCSI guys" as Shaw calls them (incorporating the names of the bulk of other CBS shows in various flavors of CSI and NCIS), believe that Kelli (Elaine Tan) is a very dangerous killer, thanks to Interpol's French Agent Bouchard (Henri Lubatti). While law enforcement is preoccupied, Shaw finds Kelli's bag hidden inside, which contains a device with GPS coordinates for a bar she frequents.
Shaw spies on Kelli enough to learn that the two of them could probably make great gal-pals, if only Shaw was, you know, a criminal. But hold up -- Kelli's not your average criminal! They can be pals after all! Shaw stops Kelli from committing her latest crime, only to find that she was forced to steal by people who kidnapped her daughter (Chloe Cheng). These criminal masterminds have also been going in and "cleaning up" after Kelli by killing people, and framing her for the murders.
It turns out Kelli was kicked off the Chinese Olympic team after winning silver because she was prego... and when she pawned her medal to feed her baby, she decided to steal a watch too. The owners of the shop just happened to be bad guys who liked her thieving talents, so they kidnapped her child so she would do their bidding. Now, Interpol believes she's also a murderer.
There's a slight problem, however: the daughter is being held in Prague, and will be murdered if Kelly doesn't steal the Gutenberg Bible, which is exceedingly more difficult to steal now that Shaw prevented her from stealing it during transport. So, here are the steps they take to steal the artifact:
Step 1: Buy a 3D printer. This step contains five other steps:
Step 2: Have Fusco (Kevin Chapman) covertly pull prints from one of the security guards who works at the place where the bible is being held.
Step 3: Print a hand that has the prints lifted from the guard.
Step 4: Have a Grumpy-Cat-mustachioed Reese knock out some poor, unsuspecting fool, so he can pretend to break in and get caught by the guards on purpose.
Step 5: Place the fingertips of the printed hand on fingers, lick, and scan.
Step 6: Use Kelli's gymnastic thieving techniques to traverse the convenient gymnastics bars placed above the bible.
Voila! With the guards distracted by Reese, Kelli and Shaw have time to make off with the bible.
Unfortunately, Kelli is now in even hotter water with Interpol, now that she made off with the bible. So, Shaw pulls Agent Bouchard aside for a little chat with Finch. They give him all the necessary info to make him helpful in finding Kelli's kidnapped daughter, and promise to return the bible once the daughter is safe.
Kelli returns to the bar to speak with Cyril (Gene Farber), her "boss," about leaving the crime world now that she stole the bible for them, but of course, he refuses. When she insists, he makes a call to his kidnapper friends, thinking he will simply threaten her daughter's life again. This time, Reese is there to knock out the bad guys and save the girl. Soon after, Shaw helps take down the Cyril. As the cops finish the job, Shaw has a drink nearby, undeterred.
Now that Agent Bouchard is a hero for taking down a set of criminal masterminds, he sets Kelli free. They also fly her daughter to the USA, resulting in a rare warm smile from Shaw as she watches the mother-daughter reunion.
Later, our gang has a small celebration for a job well done, and Reese pours one for Carter. Hey, it wouldn't be a celebration without Carter there, at least in spirit.
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Thursday, February 13, 2014

'Almost Human' GifTweetCap: Say NO to Drugs, Kids!

Most of these gifs are available on this Tumblr post. Tell your friends to live tweet the show! You never know when you or your friends may be quoted for one of these recaps! "Perception" is the second episode of "Almost Human" in a row in which we have not had any car-ride banter between Kennex (Karl Urban) and Dorian (Michael Ealy). I'm hoping that's just a coincidence because of the fact that this was originally supposed to be the fourth episode of the series, while last week's was the ninth. If they were originally planning to have non-banter episodes every five episodes, I could live with that. Don't get me wrong; it was an awesome episode! I just miss the laughs.
The episode begins with two girls, high on drugs. Scarlett (Cate Sproule), the first girl, wanders around like someone who is exceedingly impressed by nature, even though she's seeing nature underneath an overlay of math problems her mind believes are fascinating. --I'm sorry, but I prefer separating math from art and nature. If I want math, I'll do some math problems. If I want nature, I'll go outside and climb a tree; no math allowed.
Elinor (Megan Danso), the second girl, makes a bit more sense, as she sees music as pretty lines in the air as she virtually composes a piece. At least she mixes one form of art with another.
Both girls seem to go on overload from what they are seeing. Nature-girl is surrounded by so many bees that she can't create equations for all of them, and composer-girl tries to out-compose Beethoven. Then they each collapse and die.
Meanwhile, Kennex is having Insyndicate flashbacks "again" (remember, this originally happened in the fourth episode, which is why it seems so jarring to suddenly have him revert to old Kennex). He throws around sticky notes to help him work through his memories, including this one which says, "Anna had something for me?" (Anna was his terrorist ex-girlfriend, whom he later remembered may be involved with Insyndicate).
The reason he's having so many flashbacks is because of his continued use of dangerous recollection tactics, which includes drug use. He's now shakin' like a drug addict until he gets his fix! Worse, Dorian and Maldonado (Lili Taylor) both spy him popping the teeny red pill.
One of the girls has a container that is activated by her own DNA. It turns out that both girls were "Chromes" (genetically enhanced), just like Det. Stahl (Minka Kelly), and they both overdosed on drugs designed specifically for them. Another girl, Lila (Sarah Grey), also died with the drug in her system, but not from an OD. She drowned. All three girls went to Mendel Academy.
Maldonado sends Stahl off to to the school to talk with a few people, since she's also a Chrome. Strangely, she speaks with the only other "Natural" at the Academy who is naturally gifted, as Lila was. Lila's goal was to surpass the Chromes.
Meanwhile, Kennex and Dorian speak with a Chrome guy named Marshall (Levi Meaden). Unlike their female counterparts, Chrome dudes are uncooperative douchebags. Another Chrome dude in the other room (Brad Bergeron) mouths the words, "You wouldn't understand." That's because the smug Chrome dudes have a superiority complex.
Later, Dorian and Kennex do actually have a short, completely meaningless car-ride conversation. It's meaningless because Kennex's drugs are giving him some major flashes, causing him to crash the car and injure Dorian's ear.
This forces Dorian to meet with Julian (Iain Belcher), their next Academy student, with a ridiculously huge bandage over his ear.
The drugs were created by a chem printer, known as a "Chemulon." The Chemulon is licensed, with all the data about its manufactured pills backed up to cloud storage. Julian's father is the owner of the printer that created the deadly pills. In fact, Julian is high on the pills, causing his mind to "expand" even more than his normal Chrome mind will allow (which is exactly what all drug addicts believe).
The pills given to the OD victims were 1,000 times the normal dose, but Julian claims that his fancy printer was hacked.
Fortunately, Kennex lets "D" drive on the way back to the station.
The cops find another DNA container in Julian's home. This time, it contains an image stick. Julian resists telling Kennex and Dorian what is in it, but finally de-encrypts it for them using some cool tech and fingerprints.

It contains a video of Lila's last words and suicide.
Her mother, Mrs. Hoving (Anna Galvin), had pushed her to be like the Chromes, but the drug caused her feelings of inadequacy to go overboard. Julian and Lila were in love, but she felt that she would never be able to measure up. When her mother sees the video, she admits to hiring a hacker to create drugs that would kill Elinor and Scarlett. She still blames them for her daughter's death, not realizing that it was really her own fault for being a tremendously bad mother. So long, lady! Now you'll have plenty of time to think about your own inadequacy while you rot in prison for murdering two girls!
Back to Kennex. Maldonado meets with him in a bar to discuss his drug use, and the fact that the memories they are bringing up means he will have to speak with Internal Affairs again. She also warns him to stop with the dangerous recollection tactics, so of course his next stop is the Recollectionist. He remembers something that may be useful, but winds up with nasty globulous blood running out of his nose.
His memory shows Anna (Mekia Cox) giving him a Russian nesting doll. When he gets home and opens it up, there is nothing inside, so he gives it to a hesitant lab tech for some covert testing.
Later, he speaks with the douchiest of all IA Google Glass Assfaces (Peter Flemming) about his Anna memories. He basically accuses Kennex of falling for the enemy, and carelessly handing her classified information.
Partly believing what Mr. Doucheface tells him, Kennex goes home and throws out all his sticky notes about Anna.
But then, he learns something exceedingly disconcerting from the lab tech: the nesting doll is actually a listening device, with nanotech embedded in the lining! So, Kennex didn't just blabber info directly to her, but on the phone in the same room as an innocent-looking gift from her. Even more freaky is that the last upload was seven hours ago! WHAT?!
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